Are you too busy being busy?Has even your social calendar turned into one big to do list and get through each weekend? Is there limited time to think let alone get intimate with your partner?The real question is: Are you too busy to make your marriage work?
11 months back I had a couple book a free save my marriage online consultation with me. They said that whilst they weren’t arguing they weren’t communicating very well. There conversations had come routine about the finances, weekly activities of the children and house hold responsibilities. They were barely feeling connected and felt like they were living more like flat mates than husband and wife.
They had not had sex in months and were drifting further apart… In fact a fear of sex had developed in them both. Fear of sex after months of being rejected had developed, the thought of being turned down again had caused a mentality of giving up. And a fear of sex for the other because they were not sure now if they could enjoy sex and be able to get into the mood. They both said it was very important for them to change this.
We discussed my marriage saving program which involves a set number of 6 sessions and as I work with a couple individually first and then together this would mean 4 sessions each. I also discussed my award winning empowered love formula which has 21 audios to listen to and exercise sheets that help create lasting change.
They said changing was really important to them and that they wanted to do both.
But I never heard from them again, they disappeared, so naturally I thought they had found another counselor or solution. 2 weeks back the husband got back in touch with me to say that they did really want to do it, but were too busy to find the time for the 4 sessions.
They said they were going to do it, but never got round to it. And now is wife had had an affair and they were both devastated that they had let time management and busyness get in the way.
He wished he didn’t priortise work and her the family.
Now they had to deal with the fact that he had caught his wife sexting other men. They were going through the whole battle of is sexting and sending naked pictures cheating.
Thankfully this wake up call got them into action and we did my set 6 session program in a few weeks, so they could work on actions to bring them closer and ways to communicate more effectively. As well as focus on how to increase sexual desire for them and break the fear of sex cycle.
The truth is, today we are always busy. There is always more and more things to do (the to do list always grows) and there is never the perfect time to look and deal with the problems. Of course, we would all want things to magically get better by themselves or with time. But as of yet in all my couple counselling online experience I am yet to hear of that happening. I don’t agree with traditional marriage counselling spending hours going over the problems, my approach is 15% identifying the problems (individually) as you don’t want to drag up all the past hurt in front of each other again and again and then 85% on the solutions. We don’t ignore the past, but we don’t stay there either we find ways to learn from it and make things better.
When it comes to how to increase sexual desire doing nothing and waiting for time definitely won’t change anything. Neither will time change fear of sex.
Just remember the beginning of your relationship. When you did what you needed to do in order to catch breakfast, lunch or phone call with your loved one? Recommitting to your spouse means making time for what is important: each other.
And while it may not be possible everyday because work deadlines and work obligations are unavoidable, the important thing is to at least make the time to do it as often as possible through out the day and week. You will both benefit from it and it will help bring your couple together.
Think of things you always get done every week. Maybe that is things at work or in the home… you get them done because you MUST do them.
Now think about how you can apply that same principle to your marriage to make sure your marriage time is a MUST and it gets the attention it deserves.
Adam’s wanted to know how to stop a divorce
Adam signed up with me to save his marriage 6 months back because his wife asked for a divorce. He wanted to know how to turn it around quickly and as soon as he started making his relationship a priority and dropped his neediness behavior I pointed out to him, his wife forgave him and they reignited their love and connection. His wife then also wanted the online sessions and they are now the happiest they have ever been. But Adam is scared to revert back to his old ways as he knows he can be a workaholic so he still chooses to have monthly calls with me to check in and update me on his marriage actions.
Having someone or each other to hold you accountable can work wonders in marriage.
The fitness industry uses coaches and mentors all the time to help people improve, so does most leading businesses and it’s surprising that in something so important as our family life and happiness we just let it drift.
Here are some tips and ideas to keep in mind to give your marriage the importance it deserves.
Remember your Marriage is important
it’s challenging, it has its ups and downs but a happy, peaceful and loving home is well worth it. So is your partner, if they weren’t, you probably would not have fallen in love in the first place.
Making love a priority is not an easy path to walk, yet rewarding when you put in the work it needs.
Regular date nights and surprising your partner with acts of appreciation can go a long way.
Guard your couple alone time
This is especially appropriate if you have children and/or busy work schedules. Keep your relationship a priority you will both put in more attention, affection and feel better for it.
Don’t cancel your alone time without rescheduling, aim for a minimum of 10 hours a week together.
What also really helps when it comes to couple time is that you are both on the same page about what you want to happen during this time. It’s no good one of you thinking couple time is watching TV together and the other one thinking that is a waste of time and that they could be getting other things done. Make the alone time engaging and meaningful.
Focus on the positive
In the couples counselling Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Online I do, I get couples to focus on what their partner is doing as opposed to noticing the faults.
If you only get an hour to have dinner, really spend that time connecting. If you or your partner works away make sure the moments you can be together are special, instead of worrying that it could be over soon.
Intimacy is important
Life can get so busy that we are left feeling like we don’t even want to be intimate with our partners. Sex can be the last thing you feel like doing if your busy, stressed and tired. The more time passes the more uneasy you may feel about it or the fear of sex may have become a reality for you. Or perhaps there are other reasons you want to know how to increase sexual desire in your relationship.
Either way do make time for sex and affection.
It grates on couples when they live like flat mates over time. Don’t be the couple that are too busy to address it, or lacking in communication confidence to address it. Reach out to me if that’s the case. Life may have changed but the intimacy must remain a very important dynamic in your relationship for lasting happiness.
If you have you have a low sexual libido and wondering how to increase your sexual desire then I run sessions to help individuals or couples with that. I also have available on my website a sexual intimacy program which is 3 private sex therapist sessions or my hypnotherapy bundles click on the below links to read more here:
How to increase sexual desire in men
How to increase sexual desire in women
Many women find, the toll childbirth has on their mental and physical being can prevent them from feeling both desired and interested in being intimate, this can be changed with the right support and steps.
The fear of sex can also be outside of the marriage or low sexual desire can be due to financial stress, work, children that create an emotional distance that leads to physical distance.
Or maybe you fear not having sex enough and this is causing you to put pressure on your partner and you may feel like you can’t help it. Either way do check out the how to increase sexual desire in women and in men on my website under marriage.
Remember this is not something you can force. You want to both feel in the mood and let things happen. Desire to change is the key, the rest is thankfully much easier after that.
If you have any questions about working with me one to one, how to increase sexual desire, how to overcome the fear of sex, or what to do if you have caught your husband or wife sexting and sending naked pictures to other men/ women do book a call with me on this website or email me firstname.lastname@example.org
How to increase sexual desire in men
How to increase sexual desire in women