How to Stop Being Codependent in Relationships / Codependency In Marriage

How to Stop Being Codependent in Relationships

 

Changing “whatever you want” to whatever I want”

Overcoming codependency is simple in theory yet in practice stopping being codependent can be difficult, that is why codependency counseling is becoming more and more popular not just in the UAE and middle east but across the world. It means no more of ‘I give up me to be loved by you.’ If you are in a relationship where you always say and do what your other half wants then you can change that.  Too often people live in fear of saying No to their partner and they form a habit of give in to them all the time – to make their partner happy. The foundation to long-term love and happiness is where both in the couple look after each other, not where one is sacrificing themselves.

 

Codependency can appear in family relationships as well as marriage. Many parents give up their life to worry about and look after their adult children, at the sacrifice of their own life goals and dreams. Often in the codependency counseling sessions I find that the person displaying signs of codependency was actually codependent as a child. By that I mean they had to look after a parent, brothers or sisters,  and then repeat this in their romantic relationships later in life. Codependency counselling can really help with this to support someone to break free and start to love themselves.

 

Loving ourselves is simple again in theory, it means taking care of ourselves first and foremost and ensuring that our care for others comes from a place of inner abundance and a feeling of already being taken care of from within. When we put ourselves first and we are brave enough to say no to others our lives can begin to shift course. Many people struggle with loving themselves so every single person I help with anxiety counselling and treatment, codependency counselling and treatment, depression counselling and treatment in Dubai, Abu Dhabi and online I give them my self-love audio program. Which is a 8 week training to support them to start to putting self-love into action.

 

When we don’t put ourselves first and rather put our partners first and become dependent on their approval we are on a slippery road that has the potential not only for divorce but of a life of regrets. Codependency is an addiction, in that it is hard to stop despite the negative consequences. So if you do believe you have the signs and traits of codependency then you may find it hard to stop.

 

At the end of the day in order to be and give your best you have to start putting yourself first and change from ‘whatever you want’ to ‘whatever I want’ or simply saying “No” this is what we practice in codependency counseling whether I do it online or with me directly in UAE, I ask people to practice saying “no”. It might seem cruel but we all know that sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and by putting ourselves first we will benefit everyone around us especially if we are enabling others. For example enabling others with their addictions, habits or getting away with selfish, aggressive or hurtful behavior.

 

If being yourself and going after what you want starts to cause cracks in your relationship, then relationship codependency counseling online or in person can help you work through this often complex codependence issue. In Dubai and Abu Dhabi where I work with people face to face we have weekly check in sessions where they like to share if they are on track from caretaking rather than caring, if the signs of codependency have stopped.

 

There are often several hurdles to overcome when a major change takes place within a relationship and having someone to support you can not only take the load off but also help you identify what it is you want and how to get it. As well as support to set the healthy boundaries I mentioned.  Many women and men who have been codependent in the relationship the whole time worry that they won’t be able to make the changes they desire. Yet it really is never too late to be the person you want to be and learn to say no.

 

Yes there are times when it is right and nice to put others first, but if this becomes a habit then the balance begins to alter in the relationship.

 

Think of it like this, imagine if your relationship is like a kids seesaw in the park, for it to work both partners have to move so that it goes up and down. If one person stops moving they will stay down and the other person will stay up. It’s like this in a relationship, for couples to keep moving both parties have to move. Keep moving and remember if something isn’t working be brave enough to face it and fix it. If your partner doesn’t accept and love the real you then getting some help could benefit you to decide the future of your relationship.

 

Be true to who you are and you will flourish.

 

The people who truly love, care and appreciate you will be there for you till the end.

 

In the meantime, I am here to support you just reach out to me if you have any questions about the signs of codependency or codependency counselling Dubai, Abu Dhabi or online.

 

Don’t look back with regret at what has already happened, its in the past but look forward with hope and optimism for a future built on mutual understanding and most of all unconditional love with your partners.

 

From my heart to yours, Nicola

 

P.S To get in touch with me if you have any questions at all on codependency counselling or couples counselling in Dubai, Abu Dhabi or Online you can email me at nicola@pureepeacecoaching.com

Nicola Beer

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