How to Solve a Sexless Marriage Instead of Calling a Relationship Advice Hotline
If you are feeling frustrated and down about your sex life right now you are not alone. That’s why online relationship counseling and relationship advice hotline does exist. Literally, nearly every couple I speak to wants something to change or improve when it comes to sex. “how can I save my marriage” I often get asked and when I question further it can often be about sex.
Whether it is the frequency, who instigates, boredom from lack of variety or how involved a partner is during sex. By involved I have many men share with me that they feel their wife is having sex as more of a chore rather than enjoying it… pity sex, as some call it. Some men also get annoyed or frustrated that their wife is not having an orgasm.
Then I support women who also are disappointed that their husband doesn’t make it pleasurable that they just want to have quick sex and it be over. I’ve had women ask “ how can I save my marriage when my husband wants sex in 5 minutes, rolls over after and doesn’t even look at me during sex. I’m not getting anything from it, there not home.
In addition to the sex not being good between a couple a lack of physical attractiveness can also lead to a sexless marriage. Typically this comes up in my sessions where someone puts on a lot of weight and the other no longer finds them attractive or where one person get’s into bed without cleaning their teeth or stinking of alcohol.
I once had a man sign up for my 2month coaching program to change his sexless marriage. I need relationship advice, how can I save my marriage and make my wife want me in bed. I asked him if there were any complaints about his appearance.
He said no I don’t think so, and then said oh hang on, yes there is: she doesn’t like my hair as she always hints I need a proper hair cut as I like to grow it long, then he burst out laughing, what I said, he said his wife often tells him that his breath smells and he hadn’t addressed it. Then we were both laughing. I said I am not sure if the bad breath is the reason she is not wanting to have sex with you but it certainly cant be helping. He had never thought of it before and put 2 and 2 together.
For all these physical reasons couples can end up in sexless marriages and yet this is normally only 10% of the reasons couples end up in sexless marriages. The majority of men and women who end up not having sex very often has nothing to do with sex!
I summarized already the top 12 reasons couples end up in sexless marriages (check my blog www.nicolabeer.com for more details)
When people say I need relationship advice on sex I go through the top 4 that are not directly connected to sex whatsoever these include:
1. Unresolved hurts and resentments from the past!
2. Negative repetitive thoughts about their partner or situation
3. Poor communication
4. Some form of addiction to something that gets in the way
Which is why I focus on these in the audio programs and 1 to 1 work I do.
It can be hard for some men and women to switch on sex if there is no affection or engaging conversation or honesty and openness. Some people can have sex without an emotional connection, but for many others this is impossible.
So, if you find yourself feeling frustrated stuck in a sexless marriage let me give you some tips of what you can do and what not to do.
What not to do if you are wondering how can I save my marriage because of a non-existent sex life
Don’t Pressurise your husband or wife into sex or doing things they are resisting. Obvious you maybe be thinking but you would be surprised the amount of times I hear this happening. Same goes with demanding, guilt tripping , or being passive aggressive. By passive aggressive behaviour I mean giving your husband or wife the silent treatment when you are not getting what you want.
You need a closer connection and that will be impossible if you are not engaging with one another.
Don’t Over Talk it
Some people over talk their sexual frustrations by bringing it up again and again, if nothing is changing through you mentioning it, different action and suggestions are needed here. Definitely not repeating yourself time and time again.
Don’t hold resentment
Holding resentment harms you and the other person in your marriage. Many people bury their head in the sand and harbour resentment towards their partner and that is not healthy at all, you need to express it or find an outlet for it in a healthy way that helps you move forward.
Don’t give up
Rejection is hard to deal with, but giving up and stopping all attempts to be physically intimate may leave your spouse wondering if you now have given up or no longer desire them. A lady came to me recently saying I need relationship advice because my husband wanted sex and I went through a period where I was stressed and tired from work and had no interest. Now he doesn’t bother at all do you think that means he is not into me anymore.
Of course asking me or a free relationship advice hotline is not going to help her. The person she really needs to be asking is her husband, a complete withdrawal from sexual intimacy or any physical affection harms you and the marriage. It’s certainly not a happy solution for sure to give up.
Don’t wait for time to change things
It’s absolutely insane to think that your sex life will just get better all by itself with time. If you take no action, make zero changes or energy into your relationship and sex life, it will remain the same or become more and more of a wedge between you as time goes on.
So here is what to do if you at the point you are considering calling a relationship advice hotline
Do focus on attraction
Do make sure you are attractive in your energy. As in be in the masculine or feminine energy for sexual chemistry to happen. I see this time and time again when a husband is a procrastinator or not very organised or much of a planner, they let their wife do everything in the marriage and this is where women take on the masculine energy of getting tasks done and the men the feminine energy of letting life happen and lose focus. Having a polarity of masculine and feminine energies in the relationship leads to great sexual chemistry.
This is something I am often coaching men and women on how to shift responsibilities in the relationship to become more attractive to each other.
Also keep your physical attraction up by taking pride in how you look and dress, we can sometimes get lazy and this certainly does not serve us. A lady who came to me saying I need relationship advice my husband spends the day in his underpants on the weekends and I can’t stand it, we have a maid how does it look to them and I don’t want my children to grow up and do the same. These kind of things can harm the sex life.
Do focus on emotional connection
Most people like to have sex when they feel emotionally connected, closeness through affection, attention and appreciation is needed to create this. Do you have meaningful conversations or just about the day to day?
Do educate yourself
Sex education is important for growth and development in this area. For anything else in your life you want to improve, change or enhance you would study, read up about it and educate yourself. Maybe even talk to a professional in the field, yet with sex people just hope that it will change all by itself and it rarely does.
Do take action
Sex is an important part of a healthy happy marriage, it’s also our natural birth right to enjoy sexual pleasure
Create more passion
There are hundreds of ways to create more passion inside and outside the bedroom.
Do believe you can change it
It’s never too late to have a great sex life with your spouse. We can change all habits and behaviours when guided and given the right tools. Fear of sex is something that holds so many people back and it can be easily addressed.
If this resonates with you and you want to change this area of your life then check out my sex therapy Dubai and online revitalize program using this link
From my heart to yours, Nicola
To read more about the sex therapy online and in Dubai as well as hypnotherapy for low libido, CLICK HERE