How to Protect Yourself From Dealing With An Alcoholic Parent, Husband or Wife
10 Ways To Protect Yourself if Your Parent, Husband or Wife Is An Alcoholic
Make sure there are boundaries: Maybe you still want your parent to be involved in your life and the lives of your children but you are not comfortable with putting you and your children in potentially harmful situations. Make sure you set boundaries and discuss them openly with your parent. For example, you can tell them that if they are acting in a manner that shows they are drunk and out of control, you will leave or you will tell them to leave. Make sure you make your parent understand you are not there to fill the role of handling their problems and always ensure you and your loved ones are safe.
If you ever feel like you or your families safety is jeopardised, you are allowed to make sure that you protect your family at all costs. If this means no visits, then so be it.
Do not have any interaction with your parent while they are drunk and make any family get togethers completely alcohol-free. If you are aware that they drink after a certain time of the day, avoid contact with them altogether.
Understand the tension that alcohol will cause: The more a parent tends to drink is usually in direct proportion to how much problems exist within a family. Once children of parents who drink get older, they can become extremely sensitive to alcohol overall and any little thing can trigger that whether it means seeing their parent drinking or even seeing other members of the family going overboard.
Always make sure that you can get out of a situation if you are not comfortable and need space.
Even though it can be hard to accept the family situation in this way, it is impossible to think that you will change your parent or their behaviour with alcohol.
Talk to your parent with realistic expectations: At some point you are going to realise that you are not going to stop them from drinking. And even if you have heard many times they will quit, it is up to them at the end of the day to kick the habit, or rather to want to kick the habit. Do not allow yourself to be too hopeful when it comes to promises made or else you will just keep on feeling let down.
What you can do is talk to them (while they are sober) about how their behaviour makes you feel or how it affects you. Give them examples of particular incidents which may have occurred if they are not able to understand where you are coming from.
Stop taking responsibility: As much as you might feel like you want to take care of your parent or help them by stopping them from drinking, your actions can cause even more hurt for you later on. While you think you are helping them by pouring their stuff down the drain, this can make them even more angry and often things only get worse. Please understand their behaviour (ie the drinking) is NOT your fault. You are not the reason for their drinking problem and therefore nothing you will do can solve this for them.
Accept how you feel: There will be many different emotions you are going to experience and it is important to remember that you accept all of it for what it is. Conflicting emotions are more common than you think but there are ways to process your feelings so they do not affect you.
Journal your feelings in all their rawness, get it out.
Write a letter that you will never send and just let it all out there as if the person was right in front of you. Note – I have personally found the act of writing forgiveness letters an amazing way to help people experience their feelings and deal with them so that they do not manifest into anything harmful.
Find ways to cope: Look for ways to cope with stress in a healthy ways. Things like exercise help you to let go of stress and leave you feeling lighter. Start a dance class and shake off the problems. Join a hiking group and experience your surroundings.
do things that you enjoy on a regular basis, it is so important to take that time for yourself to clear your head.
Talk to someone: There is no reason you need to keep all this to yourself. Talk to someone you trust about what you are feeling and what you have experienced. You will feel better and more importantly you will not feel like you are facing this situation alone. This can make all the difference.
Create meaningful relationships: Having a parent who has a problem with drinking can result in their children going on to find it difficult to have meaningful relationships. Constantly needing to feel reassured as a result of how your parent may have treated you can have dire consequences on relationships. You may also look for the things you feel you never got from the relationship and land up attracting the wrong type of person into your life which will only cause you more harm.
Reach out to a support group: You can be assured that you are not the only person who is experiencing this and this is why joining a support group can be really helpful on your journey to healing. It’s a great way to share your feelings, connect with others who have experienced similar things and can give you the support you need while you also give others the support they need.
Consider therapy: Being a child of an alcoholic parent can lead you to feel depressed, have low self esteem of experience feelings of isolation, shame and emotional distress.
I have helped countless adults rebuild their self-esteem and confidence after having a parent who’s drinking affected them. Getting the right support to increase your self-worth can impact all areas of life in a tremendous way.
Those I have worked with have noticed after healing the past and increasing self-worth, they have the confidence to go for that promotion, they look and feel healthier and are more motivated to pick up habits and drop unsupportive habits. They have attracted relationships that serve them both friendships and romantic partners and set healthy boundaries against toxic people.
You see, our current relationships are always a mirror of how we see and treat ourselves. We attract people into our lives based on how much we love and view ourselves. Having counselling online or in person can free you from the past and help you to work through your emotions, change your mindset in how you approach your family and/or your parent, and help you to build skills to cope with your alcoholic parents behaviour without it draining and consuming you.
Nicola Beer offers addiction counselling services in Dubai across the UAE and online. Individual therapy includes alcohol counselling Dubai, addiction counselling Dubai, addiction hypnotherapy Dubai and online, food addiction, anger management as well as couples therapy and hypnotherapy Dubai, UAE and online
Based on 56 reviews
Nicola Beer - Individual and Marriage Counselling | Anxiety and Depression Therapy | Hypnotherapist
12:01 12 Jun 20
I’ve only had a few sessions with Nicola so far and can honestly say they have been so valuable! Nicola is very professional, welcoming, warm and made me feel super comfortable. Amazing lady!
11:59 07 Jun 20
I found Nicola’s podcast at a point of desperation - I’d just found out my partner had cheated over a year ago whilst suffering with addiction issues. I was lost and confused and needed help from someone impartial. I didn’t want to make any rash decisions which I knew I’d regret but also had had enough of all the lies and felt like I was being used. Nicola made me realise I didn’t have to make a decision on whether to stay or go straight away, I could give myself a few months and figure out what was right for me which immediately took the pressure off. I opted for the audiobooks and even suggested my partner read parts which then gave us points to discuss and work through. I felt empowered over the following months and the information genuinely gave me hope that either way I’d make the right decision. I’m lucky that my partner has since found a way to deal with his addiction issues and we’ve got a better relationship today than we’ve ever had. I think a big part of this is due to communication and the tips I learnt from Nicola’s audiobooks.
05:04 02 Jun 20
Nicola is an absolute professional who is genuinely interested in helping people. Not only is she genuine, caring and honest but also a trustworthy person who I would recommend to anyone who is seeking support. Also enjoy the content that Nicola shares online, pleasure to work with her.
20:42 01 Jun 20
Nicola's counselling has been a great help in improving my well being, self belief and relationships. The coaching programmes and meditations are excellent !!
19:43 29 May 20
Nicola has been instrumental in helping me change my mindset and get on a healthy journey for a happier and more meaningful life. Every time I have reached out to ask a question, talk about a setback or share a success she has been there for me and responds in a meaningful way. The hypnotherapy that she did for me specifically was amazing and I can’t wait to listen to it on repeat to help solidify my new more positive way of thinking. Working with Nicola is an investment and I was skeptical of spending the money...but she’s by far the best therapist I’ve ever had. She’s the only one who has held me accountable for my own thoughts and attitudes and has given me tools to change those to how I want them to be instead of just giving me coping strategies. I’m so thankful I found her to work with!
18:33 27 May 20
Great to work with, very responsive and offers many resources to work in tandem with her very effective one on one sessions.
13:18 27 May 20
My anxiety levels were at an all time high because of all the uncertainty I have been facing in many different aspects of my life during the current Covid crisis. Nicola's mediation audios have been an immense help during this time as it brings in a moment of calm into my daily routine that was so needed. Thank you Nicola!
14:57 25 Apr 20
I can't even begin to explain how much her help meant to me...Thank you for taking the time to help and support me.. She changed my life ❤️I am forever grateful..
Mariela Marcantetti Furless
14:29 02 Apr 20
What a caring and effective series of sessions we just had with Nicola. I loved the approach, feeling safe and heard and never judged which helped us a lot. Highly recommended!
08:23 20 Mar 20
Not everyone has clarity about their struggles or sometimes confuse their problems for depression. Nicola helps you identify if you are depressed or just having problems. She clears your mind of the negativity or junk by changing the way you approach the difficulty and offers a million dollar advice or solution for 45 minutes. It is worth your time and money.
14:27 11 Mar 20
Although many, many miles away (I live in Canada) Nicola has been a tremendous help to me is sorting out a number of personal issues related to relationships, self-worth, etc. To be honest I was a bit skeptical at first about entering in to the sessions without meeting her in person but that skepticism very quickly turned in to a very high level of respect. Her approach, understanding, kindness, knowledge, etc., etc. was most refreshing and more importantly extremely helpful. Suffice to say I have never felt more comfortable with myself and my life than I do now!! Thank you Nicola! Bill
07:51 10 Mar 20
Nicolas expert knowledge and advise has given me deep understanding into my relationship in order to get the best out of my marriage! I listen to her podcasts whenever I need some insight into my circumstances because she is able to explain complex issues very clearly and provides simple instructions or questions to ask oneself which have been instrumental to helping me positively change my perspective on things I previously couldn’t get past and this has ultimately given me peace of mind. I would strongly urge anyone who is searching for guidance to seek out Nicolas professional help.
17:05 05 Mar 20
Nicola has helped me immensely with my emotional and mental health going through the most difficult time in my life. I have answers I couldn’t figure out on my own or get from my husband. She truly knows how the mind works on so many levels. Thank you Nicola for what you do, and to give people an outlet to cope during difficult times. Sincerely,BW
05:40 04 Mar 20
Nicola has really helped me and my marriage. She is not your typical counselor and is very easy to talk to. I highly recommend her.
08:57 01 Mar 20
Nicola is very nice, young and cheerful person. She radiates positive energy around her, which sometimes is exactly what you need for a better day. Thank you!
10:00 20 Feb 20
When I was going through a very dark time in my life and everything seemed to be spinning out of control. I had been doing a lot of reading and self reflection and looking for support and answers anywhere I could. I came across Nicola's video site and immediately started to watch her vlogs about relationships, marriage and living our lives. I found her to be caring, and understanding and I felt better about how my life could change. I was so inspired by her that I even reached out personally as a complete stranger and she responded with such kind words and support that gave me some hope that things would get better. I am so grateful that I came across Nicola who really cares and shares her insights for the rest of us so we can learn how to manage our lives and relationships. I hope Nicola continues to share her insights for many years to come.
21:49 18 Feb 20
This is a difficult time in my life. With the help of Nicola's one on one coaching and in combination with her online courses, I am finding balance in my life. I am in the process of loving who I am again. It is a journey that has opened my eyes. If you are wanting to turn a corner, this is the program for you.
13:08 16 Feb 20
After listening to most of the podcasts I decided to go visit Nicola, and she really helped me with what I was going through, and gave me actions that resulted in positive progress.
Duaa I AlSayed
07:58 29 Jan 20
Joie De Vie
16:26 28 Jan 20
I have listened to several podcast and read several pieces of information posted by Ms Nicola. I have even experienced deep meditation and hypnoses that has helped me in my own perspective and understanding in my own relationship. I appreciate her work and look forward to further healing, inspiration and insight. Thank you so much for your help.
10:03 28 Jan 20
Nicole is an experienced coach in all matters relating to relations and communication.
12:00 13 Jan 20
Nicola’s video inspired me to get in touch with her for help. I had a complete lightbulb moment listening to her wisdom. Nicola is a lovely person and is very insightful. Together we discussed issues and came up with a plan. I am working through the marriage makeover programme which again is full of wisdom and practical advice and am complimenting it with one-one to hone in on specific needs. Thank you Nicola!
18:10 19 Dec 19
I just started with Nicola, I had so much anxiety; she listed to me, guided me with steps to take, gave me a plan, and that made me feel at ease. She is wonderful and very attentive, she responds to my messages fairly quickly, which always makes me feel better when I’m in doubt or with concern. Her audios have helped me understand a lot of things about my relationship and how to manage things in a health way. I’m very thankful. :)
16:11 17 Dec 19
Nicola made me the right questions and helped me to stay strong and reinforce my strength with my decisions. She was the best fresh air, the brightest of the lights. I’m moving forward with my plans and I have to tell you Nicola, that I already applied for university exams! Thank you very very much. Lots of love, S.
01:44 16 Nov 19
Nicola has been an absolute light in both my life and my partner's. She is not only caring but also so real and has such a clarifying perspective. I can honestly say she has been so influential in me turning a corner in my life and in my relationship. She is a wonderful coach and has helped both of us navigate some really sticky experiences. Thank you Nicola!
19:52 12 Nov 19
Nicola was an absolute pleasure to work with. She really helped getting our relationship back on track! I highly recommend her. Thanks again Nicola
03:27 11 Nov 19
12:33 08 Nov 19
Nicola is a wonderful counselor. Her non-judgemental approach allows you to feel comfortable to share your anxieties and issues. She is not just talk and facilitates your well-being through practical and doable solutions. She is extremely flexible, offering face to face, phone and video sessions which makes the process much easier if you have a busy lifestyle. I definitely recommend her!
17:28 07 Nov 19
Thoroughly enjoy Nicola’s podcasts they have been incredibly helpful! Have found interacting with Nicola extremely professional and she always responds in excellent time.
16:09 07 Nov 19
Nicola is an incredibly empathic, insightful and trustworthy person. She will listen intently and then offer carefully thought out solutions to help you manage stress. She is also an excellent hypnotherapist with really effective techniques for helping you with insomnia. I highly recommend Nicola - she is the genuine article.
09:17 03 Nov 19
Nicola is a very kind and thoughtful person with really sound advice! Empathy and understanding are two of her best traits and I would have no hesitation in recommending her for therapy
09:57 30 Oct 19
Nicola is an amazingly professional and yet empathetic counselor. She has a great capacity for helping people through a very conscious accompaniment.
11:21 28 Oct 19
Nicola Beer is a lovely person who has a huge heart and made it her mission to help others with whatever they are struggling with. She cares and never gave me the feeling that I was not able to reach out to her. Loved her hypnotherapy! Can truly recommend her!
05:08 28 Oct 19
Nicola’s commitment to truth, learning and her own development personally and spiritually is unwavering. She is dedicated, conscientious and ‘walks her talk’. Her capacity for strength and clear seeing, as well as for compassion, make her a great asset by your side when the road is foggy, bumpy, or short enough.
15:33 27 Oct 19
13:58 27 Oct 19
03:55 27 Oct 19
Nicola’s approach is genuine and personal. I truly believe that because of her passion and genuine care, she is able to relate better and provide more practical ways how to overcome personal/carrer/ relationship issues. I am grateful for her support and encouragement.
14:06 26 Oct 19
An amazing caring person. She takes all the time one needs to feel comfortable and open up about issues hard to discuss otherwise, she brings a wealth of experience and wisdom and lets you see the world with a more objective eye for a best outcome ! Thank you
10:59 26 Oct 19
Nicola has really helped me turn a corner, feel more confident and happier about the future. Highly recommended getting a package of her mentoring sessions.
05:24 24 Oct 19
I've been listening to Nicola's podcasts and she seems to be a very calm and caring person who offers sound advice from her own personal experience as well as a great deal of professional training, highly recommended!
09:48 20 Oct 19
I was introduced to Nicola through her podcasts on Spotify. I was instantly captured by her knowledge, understanding and empowering way she spoke. It resonated with what I was looking for. I was after serious guidance in saving my marriage, I was not after the standard counselling of you work it out and I’ll guide you. I was after advice, help and solutions. Something I could not come up with. I took advantage of the 30 minute free call and was engaged instantly by her genuine desire to help. I purchased the love empowerment program and it changed everything. I was in a bad place with only seeing negatives and at the suffering panic attacks and anxiety from the stress of my relationship. The program guided me through how to find myself, address my fears, concerns, resentments, pain and hurt. The hypnotherapy meditations are fantastic and are my go to everyday. Nicola has changed the way I view myself, my marriage and my gorgeous wife. I see positives everywhere even in difficult challenging conversations. Thanks you Nicola.
08:46 20 Oct 19
Nicola really has an incredible understanding of the complex world of relationships. Her results are real, even though she’s 12040kms from me. I wouldn’t like to picture where our relationship, if any, would now be without her. I’m so glad that I discovered you. I’m thanking you publicly Nicola!!
16:21 19 Oct 19
09:39 19 Oct 19
Nicole is amazing I feel better after seeing her .she is such caring therapist
15:57 18 Oct 19
She is really a super Marriage Anxiety Counsellor.
17:29 17 Oct 19
Nicola Beers, has really helped me as a sound board and understanding my self better. Supporting me in looking at things in a different prospective. Her techniques have helped me widen my horizons.
Genevieve Barrios- Struyf
14:38 17 Oct 19
Nicola is such a lovely person. I highly recommend her❤️
14:19 17 Oct 19
Caring, compassionate and professional. Highly recommend
15:42 16 Oct 19
Nicola is not only approachable in terms of topic of issue but she creates an environment of comfort and ease. Whether at her office or at a coffee shop, her flexibility and priority in ensuring that her client is not speaking in a formal manner is important to her. She demonstrates her expertise and professionalism in a warm and casual manner that creates a unique style. She takes vested interest in listening and not just hearing and provides her feedback accordingly bearing results.
15:49 15 Oct 19
I would like to thank Dr Nicola for the support and advises.I've been seeing her for a month and she is a great help. Her professionalism and caring has helped me to feel better and I will keep seeing her.I wish her all the best
10:39 15 Oct 19
Nicola is the only counsellor I trusted to help me overcome my anxiety and grief. She adapted sessions to suit my mood on the day. I've benefited from talking therapy, hypnotherapy and general support so thank you Nicola! You are one in a million!
06:02 13 Oct 19
Never met such a caring person in my life. Nicola is passionate about helping others and is an expert in her field. I would recommend her to anyone looking for emotional support and guidance, you won’t regret it.
13:25 11 Oct 19
Nicola is an amazing counselor with a huge amount of discernment. Nicola has the ability to be non judgmental on any issue and get the best outcome for all. I have spent a fair amount of time with Nicola and she is wonderful. You will truly be in safe, secure and a wise hands.
12:15 11 Oct 19
10:25 09 Oct 19
Someone who genuinely wants to help and is able to make a difference in the lives of others.